ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
