and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
