I want to walk on stilts...naked
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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