its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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