do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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