I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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