I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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