I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
