I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
