the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
