Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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