I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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