There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have tasted many bathrooms
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