See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
