I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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