I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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