Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
