Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
