You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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