i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she peed on how many people?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
