He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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