Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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