I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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