$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
