Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
false alarm. still invincible.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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