So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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