You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
