Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
