i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
