the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
