I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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