she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
