i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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