We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
