i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
