btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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