I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
