I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
