At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
