I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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