Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
