Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
