And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize