She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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