Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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