It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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