watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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