I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
