Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
