last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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