I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
40s are totally the cure
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize