I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am available for nakedness
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
