During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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