what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
