Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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