Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm so fucking centered right now
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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