the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
