I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
