Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no, he came in my armpit
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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