I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
