When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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