He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
