her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
