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yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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