She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize