I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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