Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
