I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
