if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
