my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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